actually, I'm a sock model
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
