You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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