I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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