It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
