he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
