Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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