hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
