i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
