She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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