The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
