I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
