Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
why is half of my head shaved?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
