Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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