I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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