Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
