youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
