Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
