Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
