Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
