i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
