Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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