she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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