Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
