yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
