I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
