I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The Olympian is in my bed
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