remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
