Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
