So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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