Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
