loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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