Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
