She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
