I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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