you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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