he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
