Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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