WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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