K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
