maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
