Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
