Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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