yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
