He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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