please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
