It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
