Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
