she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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