He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
