I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
there is puke in my bra ... again
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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