Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
