you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
