i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
