he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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