I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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