I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
