Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
