who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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