Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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