Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
