threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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