new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
