I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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