I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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