i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
