FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize