I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
