is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
